What's the deal with shame?
Is it different to being embarrassed, feeling humiliated, or blushing? Wel, yes and no! Shame is our guide to what is acceptable in our environment and what isn't. It can be more than just knowing the right shoes to wear to that event. So we may feel a sense of shame if we step in pooh that a dog and it's inconsiderate owner left on the pavement, and it can progress negativly to become part of our internal story that is; we are bad and not the dog owner and if we could just look where we are going and not be so stupid.......
This is shame, which will also be part of our internal narrative if we have suffered childhood abuse, sexual abuse or neglect. We will have internalised our reactions to the events, also frightened by the abuser into doing so, so that we hear our narrative as; we are bad and that is why this bad stuff is happening to us, if we were better it would not happen.....As children our brains are not yet developed enough to understand that some people just do horrible and cruel things to other humans, without reason.
This will be the case for rape survivors, sexual assault survivors, sex traficing survivors, domestic violence survivors, workplace bullying survivors, and any other abuse survivors. It is a useful coping strategy to deal with such devastating experiences. Our brains are not built to deal with abuse, but can adjust to chronic stress and use adaptive behaviours that allow functional adjustments to high risk environments. That's how many domestic abuse survivors can live for years in that highly stressful environment, but it has chnaged their brain. Survivors are extremely emotionally resiliant and strong. They are the bravest people amoung us.
